Question Time. Football, But For Ideas?

UKIP deputy chairman Suzanne Evans was scheduled to appear on BBC’s Question Time tonight, but she’s been substituted. Never mind! George Galloway will still be appearing tonight. Galloway has a certain position on Israeli expansionism. The show is live from Finchley. Lots of Jewish people live there. Sparks will surely fly.

I know how I feel about a whole host of issues, including Israel/Palestine (here’s a song about that from me) and I’m sure you know how you feel, too. Your values were baked into your cake a while ago.

If you’re a Tottenham Hotspurs fan and you watch them play Arsenal, and Arsenal win, you don’t switch from being a Spurs fan to an Arsenal fan because they played better. (Sorry, I don’t know how likely this is, I don’t follow football).

On Question Time, If a UKIP representative (somehow) makes a case for the repatriation of foreigners, or someone makes a compelling argument for the two-state solution, we’re all going to feel exactly how we already felt about these issues. I think we’re watching because we’re cheering on our idea. If our team loses, there’s always next week.

It’s nice when other people feel the way you feel, but to get the same effect, you could turn the sound off and listen to your favourite Rage Against The Machine or Skrewdriver album – whichever suits your politics.

I know what I’ve been doing so far (saying what I think) is biased reporting. Unbiased reporting is when you wait for someone else to say what you think and then report that they said it.

I knew someone who attended a Question Time taping once. They told me on that occasion, the panel actually got some tough questioning from the audience in the early minutes of the show. And then one of the production staff said, “Thank you, that’s the technical run-through out of the way, now we’re going to start taping…”

Nice editing tactic!

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Andy Counting Murray

I’m trying to read more on this counting Andy Murray swearing story, but all the coverage is littered with references to counting tennis. WTF did his counting girlfriend say?

I mean, if it’s not autocorrect censoring my counting blog posts, it’s the counting BBC pussy-footing around, referring to Andy Murray as “British number one”, when they really want to say wee.

It’s hypocritical, pretending you’re all down on swearing, but really using it as clickbait. I hate hypocrisy in other people.

I think Adam Bloom did the best joke about swearing, let me know your faves, you aunts.

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Bruce Springsteen And Extreme Weather!

Here’s every single Bruce Springsteen song in 50 seconds. Sorry I could’t boil it down any further, but he has quite a body of work. I love Bruce Springsteen, by the way – it’s just there’s a lot of it, and I figured you might be busy.

I’m all about saving you time.

Hopefully, you’ve been following my time-saving tips and haven’t bothered looking at any mainstream climate change coverage, so I’ve put a little reference to it in the Springsteen clip.

If you watch environmental stories through the news, you will see the opinion of 99.99% of climate scientists (that climate change is real, human-made and perhaps should be mitigated through policy) given the same air time as the opposing view (that climate change is a leftist hoax). It’s all in the name of balance, but the back and forth of it is time-consuming!

Better to not to get bogged down in the whole debate. To save time, let’s act as if climate change isn’t real. Then when Al Gore finally jumps out from behind the scenes and goes, “AHAHAHAH! You should’ve seen your face!”, we’ll be able to hold our heads high.

I’m kidding of course. There’s no such thing as Bruce Springsteen (B.S.? Wake up, people!). Springsteen was dreamt up by an ad agency to stimulate tourism in New Jersey.

Better book a trip, before it gets wiped out by extreme weather!

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Pornocracy!

Have you ever noticed when, say, Rupert Murdoch or Alan Sugar do another deal because they want to be in the position of people who are wealthier than them, they’re being ambitious?

When people join a trade union to achieve the same, they’re just jealous.

Stand Up For Labour Awards

I like performing at Stand Up For Labour events, because it means being around engaged people who are in an earnest, grassroots effort to improve the lives of working people.

They’ve got their work cut out for them. By the time Tony Blair had finished with them, New Labour were a bit like soft porn. People who like porn don’t like soft porn. People who don’t like porn don’t like soft porn. Who is it for?

So, with that said, here’s a totally one-sided, polemical song about Margaret Thatcher. I think it’s okay to be one-sided and polemical. Like historian Howard Zinn used to say: “You can’t be neutral on a moving train”!

Songs like this are just here to make you feel a little less alone if you feel the way I do.

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How To Be An Informed Person In Less Than 20 (!) Seconds.

Here’s me adding to my treasure trove of time-saving tips when it comes to understanding the “news”. Sorry for not posting this earlier. When I wrote “How To Be An Informed Person In Less Than 30 Seconds” on Friday, I thought I did you a bit of a disservice, so here’s how to take an extra 10 seconds of your life back.

Depending on how far into your life you are, I’ve just added about two to three days to it with this last tip. Why not give this gift to someone else, by sharing the video?

How can you repay me for this? You can’t. It’s my gift to you.

I only ask that you spend those two days I just gave you wisely. For instance, you could come to my Leicester Comedy Festival show and still have the majority of the two days I just gave you left over. Call it a tithe. If Leicester is too far for you to travel, but you’d still like to feel the joy I can bring, my new album is free to download.

Have a great rest of the day. Remember, stay away from the news!

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How To Be An Informed Person In Less Than 30 Seconds.

We spend too much time consuming news media, or newzak, as I’ve heard it more aptly described. It’s not making us any more informed or engaged. For a better life, my suggestion is:

1) Briefly glance at the newsstand as you’re taking a walk to somewhere nice.

2) Today will be the same as yesterday – unless – a picture like this appears on the majority of the front pages:

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3) If you see something like this, you’re about six months away from losing your job. Otherwise, as you were! Now you’ve got all that free time to start a social movement, walk your dog, watch my awesome videos, whatever.

You’re welcome!

(Ps. Only joking! CounterSpin’s weekly podcast is a great way to start.)

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