Pornocracy!

Have you ever noticed when, say, Rupert Murdoch or Alan Sugar do another deal because they want to be in the position of people who are wealthier than them, they’re being ambitious?

When people join a trade union to achieve the same, they’re just jealous.

Stand Up For Labour Awards

I like performing at Stand Up For Labour events, because it means being around engaged people who are in an earnest, grassroots effort to improve the lives of working people.

They’ve got their work cut out for them. By the time Tony Blair had finished with them, New Labour were a bit like soft porn. People who like porn don’t like soft porn. People who don’t like porn don’t like soft porn. Who is it for?

So, with that said, here’s a totally one-sided, polemical song about Margaret Thatcher. I think it’s okay to be one-sided and polemical. Like historian Howard Zinn used to say: “You can’t be neutral on a moving train”!

Songs like this are just here to make you feel a little less alone if you feel the way I do.

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Schrödinger’s Joke – Observe With Care!

Here’s a joke involving Schrödinger’s Cat*. Let me be the first to comment that the act of observing the joke might kill it.

The joke also involves the work of Black Lace, who wrote the song “Agadoo”.  I think both “Agadoo” and Schrödinger’s Cat are hard to grasp, but hopefully I’ve made some sense of them for you.

Everyone loves science these days, but it’s a mixed blessing. Without some kind of Hippocratic Oath, it’s only a matter of time before scientists come up with another nitroglycerin, another uranium-235, another file format to share the music of Justin Bieber with…

In Power Systems, Noam Chomsky says that back in the day (around the early 1600s), if you were holding a cup of boiling water and then let it go, the steam would rise to the ceiling and the cup would fall to the floor. I’m not a scientist, but I think the same would happen now. Anyway, Noam’s point is that back in the day, actual scientists would’ve explained the cup-steam phenomenon thusly:

“The cup is going to its natural place and the steam is going to its natural place”.

There were some pretty clever people around, but no-one knew to be puzzled about why the cup and the steam were doing different things. And then Galileo got puzzled about it and all hell broke loose.

Makes you wonder what we’re not being puzzled about these days, doesn’t it?

*My big regret with this clip is having to leave out the final punchline (due to an audio drop-out), which is Morrissey singing, “Girlfriend in a conga, oh you’re so embarrassing…”

P.S. There’s some great Chomsky here and some great Schrödinger’s Cat here.

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Never Mind The Genitals

Here’s a musical joke involving a medical practitioner.

Some people don’t like musical comedy. The polite ones I meet say to me, “I don’t like musical comedians, but you were alright…”

I know female comedians who get similar feedback: “I don’t usually find women funny, but you…”

I bet there’s a version of this compliment for Asian comics, comedians who juggle and so on.*

I also bet no-one has ever walked up to a heterosexual, cisgender, straight (non-spesh), white, male comedian after a show and said, “I don’t normally find straight, white guys funny, but you…”

As a heterosexual, cisgender, straight, white, male comedian would say, “What’s up with that?”

People see a musical act they don’t like and say musical comedians aren’t funny.

People see a female act they don’t like and say women aren’t funny.

Stop blaming the guitar. Stop blaming the genitals. It’s better to understand that you just didn’t find one particular person funny on one occasion.

*The exception must be Jewish comedians. I imagine their version is reversed: “I normally find Jewish comedians hysterical, but you…”

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How To Be An Informed Person In Less Than 20 (!) Seconds.

Here’s me adding to my treasure trove of time-saving tips when it comes to understanding the “news”. Sorry for not posting this earlier. When I wrote “How To Be An Informed Person In Less Than 30 Seconds” on Friday, I thought I did you a bit of a disservice, so here’s how to take an extra 10 seconds of your life back.

Depending on how far into your life you are, I’ve just added about two to three days to it with this last tip. Why not give this gift to someone else, by sharing the video?

How can you repay me for this? You can’t. It’s my gift to you.

I only ask that you spend those two days I just gave you wisely. For instance, you could come to my Leicester Comedy Festival show and still have the majority of the two days I just gave you left over. Call it a tithe. If Leicester is too far for you to travel, but you’d still like to feel the joy I can bring, my new album is free to download.

Have a great rest of the day. Remember, stay away from the news!

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Rich Hall Knows How To Throw (A Party)

It’s throwback Thursday! Here’s a picture of me with Rich Hall in the year 2000, backstage at the studios of Late Night With Conan O’Brien in New York City. I forget who the lady in the middle is – as you can tell by my appearance, I was pretty out of it in those days.

Other guests on the show included William Shatner, Buffy The Vampire Slayer and (I think) Jason Statham. Well, we’ve all gone on to do pretty well for ourselves. Especially William Shatner. The Conan show was a real launchpad for us all!

It’s possible to get really nervous before gigs like this, but Rich always knew how to lighten the tone. As we were waiting to go on, Sarah Michelle Gellar was on the couch, earnestly saying to Conan: “I think it’s a bad idea to get a bunch of actors together in room to talk about themselves”, I distinctly remember Rich muttering, “You’re in a room…” at the offstage monitor.

Rich still knows how to party backstage. Last night at the Hoedown, before he went on, he threw a roll of gaffer tape from one side of the dressing room to the other, the idea being to make it sound like there was a commotion going on just before he walked out. The gaffer tape bounced, and smashed a pint glass. It was loud. I hadn’t been paying attention (I’m pretty out of it these days), so when the Soho Theatre folks came in to clear up, I told them that he must’ve lost the plot and started trashing the place. That’s what it looked like to me.

My thanks to Rich for the guest spot on his fabulous show last night and thanks to the ace band headed up by Rob Childs, for rocking, as usual. Here’s a recording of me playing with the Hoedown Band from the Edinburgh Festival.

I’ll be doing my show, Lost In Music, at the Leicester Comedy Festival on Valentine’s Day. I don’t know if William Shatner’s doing a show there this year.

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I’ve Been Shot! And I’m Gigging With Rich Hall!

I was shot yesterday… By a great photographer!

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Here’s a pic that we liked. The rest are for my 2015 Edinburgh Fringe show and have a different look – but I guess I’ve got to pay the talented Mr Andy Hollingworth before I show them off!

My Edinburgh Fringe show this year will be about creating songs with utility that serve humankind. Really.

…And this just in: I’m guesting on Rich Hall’s Hoedown this Wednesday, which will be ace, not least because Rob Childs and the band can’t half play.

Don’t forget, if you want my new album for free, just email me at info@christianreilly.co.uk with the word “Ebeneezer” and I’ll send you the link.

I’m also Tweeting, YouTubing and Facebooking , and would love to hear from you.

 

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